I feel small.......

Salam..

For Surgical posting, I was assigned to vascular team and all the registrar are taller than average Malaysian man. So, imagined what happened to me during the ward round(visit patients bed).I have to find any posible potential space to fit my 5 feet tall self in able to have a good view and be apart of the team.Sometimes i just stand behind them and see the patient through any spaces exist between them.

However the title above isn't about size issue.It is a methaphore of what i feel since this pass few weeks.

I feel small as i feel my knowledge wise is still not enough. The discussions i have with my study group mates and team members does really helps me. Questions bombarded to us during ward rounds or teaching from our supervisors, registrar, Medical Officer or any seniors do give us clue in what should we know. Well, they are a lot.Sometimes I know the answer but the way I convey it is wrong. I hope I can master the skill of answering 'maturely' according to what they want.

I feel small as I am hopeless to see and hear people crying of pain. There is nothing I can do except doing anything I can to relief it.During certain painful procedure what i can do is only provide some supportive words and pat their hand or back. To be in this profession we can give our emphaty but not total symphaty. If you are emotionally liable to them you cannot perform your duty towards them well.

I feel small as I never think I can do everything alone. As a medical student, I do rely on my friends to relieve my studies burden.Knowledge are for sharing, it is not for keeping. We learn and remember more through discussion rather than reading alone.

I feel small as Allah's humble servant as anyone can get sick. Sometimes death comes within a short notice and you don't realise it until its too late. A patient that i clerk(interviewing his problem) and do a bit of examination on last tuesday was only 27 years old. He was detected to have liver cancer stage 4 within a month. What puzzled the doctors was he doesn't have risk factors to have it and the cause was idiopathic(unknown).He passed away on wednesday(the day after I clerk him).May he rest in peace...AMIn.

I praised the mother to be very supportive and never leave his bedside to be with him.The father is a responsible man to take care of their other 3 daughters at home in Malacca.The neighbours back home are caring enough to hold Yassin recital and Hajat Prayers for him. She told me about her sons' problem without any single tears in her eye. I guess she accepts her son's fate as Qada' and Qadar from Allah. I am sure the there are reasons for all the things happening to us (good or bad).The way of how you accept things will determine what will happen next.Being always humble to him(Allah) does make you always put Allah first in your heart. Hope I can maintain that.

Moreover,doctors are not superhuman, they can get sick too.Patient comes to you to get better regardless you are sick or not.

Today, alhamdulillah I manage to do venopuncture(taking blood from vein) from a patient at Internal medicine ward for my logbook.I've already practice this procedure with my friends a few times and as the consequence, we get bruises at the site of needle puncture on our arm.Well, no pain no gain.hehe.. We willingly to injured ourselves in order to be competent in doing the invasive procedure to the patient.

Wasalam (",)

P/s can't wait for the weekend to have a nice jog by the Taman Tasik Permaisuri...and i'm Not going home.Have case write up to be done!!