Friday, June 19, 2009

I feel small.......


For Surgical posting, I was assigned to vascular team and all the registrar are taller than average Malaysian man. So, imagined what happened to me during the ward round(visit patients bed).I have to find any posible potential space to fit my 5 feet tall self in able to have a good view and be apart of the team.Sometimes i just stand behind them and see the patient through any spaces exist between them.

However the title above isn't about size issue.It is a methaphore of what i feel since this pass few weeks.

I feel small as i feel my knowledge wise is still not enough. The discussions i have with my study group mates and team members does really helps me. Questions bombarded to us during ward rounds or teaching from our supervisors, registrar, Medical Officer or any seniors do give us clue in what should we know. Well, they are a lot.Sometimes I know the answer but the way I convey it is wrong. I hope I can master the skill of answering 'maturely' according to what they want.

I feel small as I am hopeless to see and hear people crying of pain. There is nothing I can do except doing anything I can to relief it.During certain painful procedure what i can do is only provide some supportive words and pat their hand or back. To be in this profession we can give our emphaty but not total symphaty. If you are emotionally liable to them you cannot perform your duty towards them well.

I feel small as I never think I can do everything alone. As a medical student, I do rely on my friends to relieve my studies burden.Knowledge are for sharing, it is not for keeping. We learn and remember more through discussion rather than reading alone.

I feel small as Allah's humble servant as anyone can get sick. Sometimes death comes within a short notice and you don't realise it until its too late. A patient that i clerk(interviewing his problem) and do a bit of examination on last tuesday was only 27 years old. He was detected to have liver cancer stage 4 within a month. What puzzled the doctors was he doesn't have risk factors to have it and the cause was idiopathic(unknown).He passed away on wednesday(the day after I clerk him).May he rest in peace...AMIn.

I praised the mother to be very supportive and never leave his bedside to be with him.The father is a responsible man to take care of their other 3 daughters at home in Malacca.The neighbours back home are caring enough to hold Yassin recital and Hajat Prayers for him. She told me about her sons' problem without any single tears in her eye. I guess she accepts her son's fate as Qada' and Qadar from Allah. I am sure the there are reasons for all the things happening to us (good or bad).The way of how you accept things will determine what will happen next.Being always humble to him(Allah) does make you always put Allah first in your heart. Hope I can maintain that.

Moreover,doctors are not superhuman, they can get sick too.Patient comes to you to get better regardless you are sick or not.

Today, alhamdulillah I manage to do venopuncture(taking blood from vein) from a patient at Internal medicine ward for my logbook.I've already practice this procedure with my friends a few times and as the consequence, we get bruises at the site of needle puncture on our arm.Well, no pain no gain.hehe.. We willingly to injured ourselves in order to be competent in doing the invasive procedure to the patient.

Wasalam (",)

P/s can't wait for the weekend to have a nice jog by the Taman Tasik Permaisuri...and i'm Not going home.Have case write up to be done!!


FaDhLi said...

so small...5 feet..hehehe...
anyway,nice reflection..
keep on writing..

nur_aishah said...

To Fadhli:

kecik2 cili padi tau..(",)ada gak advantage jd kecik..cuma malas nak elaborate..hoho
Tak tau la cmne ada org blh survive takde study grup(termasuk En JPP kita)..

Annyway,Thanks 4 da supportive comment.(",)

mYshah said...

it's ok to be small (in any manner; knowledges etc), and realize it, and have determination to improve ourselves.

nway, whoa~ i can feel ur spirit n passion for being a doctor from this entry. smgat sungguh! bgus2.

yup, no pain no gain. keep on trying. learning never stop. there will always some space for improvements.


FaDhLi said...

survival rate tinggi.
apapun, study smart.

p/s : silalah elaborate tentang KECIK tu.

Anonymous said...

kecik2 comeeeelll~~
heee.same2 la kite blaja tau
eh,team vascular?mr.azim ke?hoho

She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named said...

kak aishah!

entri yg memberi semangat sedikit sbyk kpd ur cuzzin here..hehe, keep up the good work dr aishah!

nur_aishah said...

To mYshah:
TQ for the advice abg Shah.Good luck for ur final year..TQ gak sbb abg2& akak2 xlokek ilmu dgn kami junior2 nie.

To Fadhli:
kalau elobrate advantage KECIK ni nanti semua yg tinggi jelous...
bg satu jela...

'sentiasa nampak comel dan awet muda..hehe'...jgn jelous

To Ain Musa:
Yer...MR AZIM..hoho(tp adala kebaikan di sebaliknye,takla manja sgt team kitaorg nanti)

Oh ye pasal nak check varicose vein guna torniquet test..baru ikot clinic Dr Johan dis week.

HIDUP...SEMANGAT...orang kecik dan cute miut!!(",)

Amin my dear cuzzin... Smoga menempuh kehidupan dgn baik di KMB(",)

Zaid said...

Vascular surgery? Erghh..i hated that, boring giler huhu..

Anyway, goodluck, where are u staying? Dekat hostel ke?

nur_aishah said...

To Zaid:

Thank u Abg Aid..
Yup, agak bosan, kalu klinik dan wad masalah sama je diabetic food,amputation,limb ischemic...
if OT mostly buat fistula..

BDW, stay dlm hostel(dlm hospital). Internet connection Wi-FI..dlm bilik pon blh.

GOOD LUCK for ur Final yr..nak pegi UK..hehe.will visit u insyaallh (",)